Ashamed of your innocent eyes

Im ashamed.

When I see you, Im ashamed of myself.

How can you love me in my worse condition?

How can you still love me after all of this?

What's so precious about me?

Im just this cold and self-centered person

What did you love about me?

Im nothing but a pile of sin and disappointment

Im so ashamed.

I cant look into your eyes.

"Maybe because I was not perfect too, in the first place." you said. Smile warmly while sun hit your head. 

"Why I have to love someone so perfect when Im not even perfect?"

Those words make me flutter.

Right at that moment, I must be the luckiest person in the world. 

Im cold because you're not here

I know, Even when I found you,

You dont want me to

Try to fix the broken pieces from our past

You dont think I'll come again, do you?

Feels like Im an intruder

But dont you know?

I dont even know we'll met at a place like this

When I touch your cold lips,

Only tears rolling down on your face

I want to know too, Why we hurt each others like this

Im cold

It's colder when I see you in front of me right now,

But you won't look into my eyes

Like Im some kind of hurtful sight for you

Im cold

In the past you will linger your arm arounds me, trying to warm me

But right now Im just a memories 

That brings only tears

Now I know how lonely my heart is

When I see two people laugh at each other

Hand in hands

All bright light fly around them

Even then, Im cold

Remember how worse I am to you

Im cold, Im so cold

Please warm my lips before it cracked

Touch my hands carefully

Moonlight can hide us from this crowd

No one will know

Your hands reach me

Just to shake it softly

A goodbye from your lips freeze me

It's cold.

It's cold when Im seeing those empty seats in front of me ..

 

Suicidal Notes

Is it okay if I leave those letters in your table?

Maybe you'll see it late at night,

When all of me turn into blue

All the blood in me freeze like it's been attack by a flu

Will your heart turn blue, too?

Will you miss me, too?

Im sorry if this too harsh,

But all I want is attention from you

With this,

will you finally look at me?

How love is a murderous, dangerous and generous things.

Who's the guy in the mirror?

suicideproject.org

Who is it?
I dont know who he is
Is it a shadow or a demon in human vessel?
Is it a light or an angelic persuassion?

Why I have to look at those ugly eyes,
When Im seeing a mirror?
Who's that guy?

I dont know.
I cant recognize it myself.

Maybe mirrors knows better than all of us.

Will you stay still even when ...

How much lies do I have to say again?

With your innocent face in front me, I've felt like my heart burst into dust

Will you still look at me with that kind eyes, Even when Im tellin' you the truth?

Will you?

If you can promise me that, I have nothing to lose anymore

This lies kill me too, just so you know

When I look at myself in mirror, I want to throw up

How can I keep it from you, I dont know too

I just know that Im that coward and useless man

If Im beggin' you, Will you stay?

Even when Im tellin' you the truth, I want to look at those loving smile forever

If I keep this lies with me, Will you forgive me?

The truth is, I dont want you to know the truth

How much?

Just how much lies?

My mind screams without any answer

This lies brought me into despair

Burdened me more when I have to keep it from you all this time

But tonight

Let me just say a sentence

Then you can leave without turn your head to me

If Im telling the truth, Will you still love me the way you love me now?

Even when Im beggin' you, I know that you'll still walk away from me

If I keep this lies with me, Will you still be able to say that Im your only one?

Even when this world turn upside down, I know that you're my only one

How much lies?

How much excuse?

The truth is nothing but this. Im just a coward and useless man.

Will you forgive me?

I just want to see those loving smile forever..

Leisure Day

soyouwanna.com

In my leisure time,

I have nothing to do but play

Feeding myself delicious food

Throwing away my money into the cash of capitalism

Deliberately goes shopping whenever I have time

Swim into the deep blue sea 

Fly away onto the light blue sky

Even in my busy day,

Im trying not to be busy

Im running from work

Im running from trouble

Im running from every obstacle

In my leisure time,

I have nothing to do but whine

Why my life like this?

Is this what I really want?

When will the right guy comes?

I have nothing but regret

Promised to myself tomorrow will be a better day

But while Im doing that

I give a chances to devil

To comes and change my mind

Maybe it isn't the right day for change

Let me rest just one more day

Let me be on a holiday once again

Give me a break

In my leisure time,

I cry by myself

Ashamed by my own behaviour

Realized that theres nothing good comes for it

Then what?

I take a break again.

Welcome to my leisure life. :)

You Can't Lie On Kids

Still remember how we used to be when we were a kids

A kids who didn’t notice if world torns apart

A kids who didn’t even care if God made from lies and speculation

A kids who didn’t scared when sound of guns heard from the front door

But as a kids we don’t forget easily

We dont forget mistakes like we used to when we grown up

We dont forget or trying to forget

We dont lie to ourselves

So how do you do?

Yes, you!

The one who says you’re fine when your boyfriend or girlfriend cheated on you

The one who says you’re glad when your  job chances taken away by your bestfriend

The one who says that even if this world turn upside down you’ll be fine as long as there’s cigarette

It’s hard to be a grown up, Isn’t it?

This world will be much more better if we never grown up.

We dont lie. We dont cry as much as we do nowadays. We dont yell at each other. We dont.

We just dont.

Bloody Chapel

I notice how much twist you’ve been caused in your life

Wondering how you’ve made this far

Ain’t you ashamed when you looked at the holy lady beside you,

The fact that you’re the one who killed both her dignity and virginity

I notice that this bond has tied us too tight

Until I don’t see anything except your grace and grease

Will you see me the way I see you?

When the only thing matters to you is how much woman you’ve slept in one night

I notice it this morning when I look at my mirror,

All white and rosy all over me,

I know that there’s no turning back for both you and I

We’re trapped

Now behave

Say that bloody vow

In this bloody chapel

Let it be our bloody marriage

Let tonight be my first bloody moment.

If Only

Why?

If only Im a princess, I will take over all the handsome prince in the world

Why?

If only Im such a celebrity, I will invite you to every party Im attended

Why?

If only Im such a beautiful face, I will let myself be in the cover of every magazine

Why?

If only Im such a rich girl, I will buy you everything you asked me to

Why?

Why I said if only?

Because thats not me.

I hate being a princess cause it means I dont own my life. I hate celebrity cause it means I have to smile everyday without knowing why and thats silly. I hate being beautiful cause it means I have to watch my appearances. I hate richness cause it means I have to learn how to count and keep my money save.

I hate everything thats fake.

But the problem is, By being fake, You can rule the world.

All the beauty and amazing things is fake.

Whats real is whats inside you.

Is there a heart in there?

Can you hear whats going on right now?

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