End of Year

I’ve been living in this world for 22 years

I’ve been in love with a same person for 9 years now

And I’ve been unable to fallin’ love with someone else, the same way as I did to him, for 9 years either

I treasure that love the most, the love who took everything, everything from my adolescent day and my ability to greatly love someone. 

I know I tell story about him too much, but he’s the reason  I found my way to literature world. If I ain’t meeting him, If my fate turns cold on me and makes our meeting slip in time, I dont think I’ll ever gonna be able to write, or become a writer. 

Well, I must say that everything has it’s reason.

And I know my reason to write is because of my never-ending love for him.

Some of you who read this will laugh, and your cynical lips will spill the words, “Oh, this was happened to every teenage girl in her fourteen. For God Sake, you’re twenty-two!”

I am twenty-two, So what? If I am, still waiting for a prince on a white horse, will that harm you? Will that leave a scar to your reality as it did to mine? 

Despite of what happened to me, I never give up. My question is “Why do I have to given up that thought? Because people told me to grow up and forget?”

I do become a grown-up and I always tend to forget things easily.

 But that leaves me nothing than my desire to once again sink into his brown eyes, knowing he’s fine and alive, that we both standing under the same sun and breath the same air. I know we can’t go back to who we used to be, when pouring rain trapped us together in the same telephone box. Two innocent kids, unprepared for their first love.

What did I miss? Myself at that time or the memory of him?

Well, this will be my last post for 2013. My mood is a bit down lately, but I still hope for everyone’s  happiness next year, too. Just smile, that heals more than any medicine. 

So .. Will I be able to meet him, once again, next year? How do you think, guys?

Another Mistaken Love

I shouldn't do this

I shouldn't fallin' in love with you

Everyone can see through me, a thing that burn in my eyes when I see you, everyone can see it clearly, like bright sun in the white sky, it's so blinding ..

I hate to say that Im already fall into the dark pit and Im afraid I'll pull you down with me 

Really I shouldn't do this, This growing feeling, this horrible feeling

I couldn't believe this is what people called such an enchanting feeling

'Cause I feel like a sinner just to know I had this feeling in me

Dont look at me with that kind of gaze, I might drop on my knees and start to cry

Dont talk to me with that caring voices, I might break into pieces when I finally have to say goodbye

From the start, I've been fallin' in love with a wrong guy

Everytime I had the chance to escape and run, I ignore it like I didn't see it

Im afraid if I lose you now, I cant stand tomorrow's reality, that you will not be here with me

Well, everyone knows we were bounded by love, like we've been tangled up because it meant to be

But, I know now that fate is just cold and cruel reality that we have to accept happily

Dont, dont do that, dont stay still beside me like this

I might not let you go forever

Dont, just dont, dont show that you love me

I might not let you be yesterdays history

Now you can walk away and I will turn my back against you too

This feelings scream inside me, begging not to let you go

I hold my own hands tight, walk into another life, another love

Then suddenly all the sad tears I've been keep in all this time melted with the snow, slowly falls into my heart ..