New Year Resolution

I intend to always have a new year resolution. But those always ends up just a resolution without action. 

This year I dont think too hard. I dont wanna a freaking loose and soft hair like I've always dreamed of. I dont wanna spent too many night by praying about this world's peace. I dont wanna see myself dieting so much when the only thing I gained after that is much more weight than ever. 

I dont wanna be somebody else when being me means happiness and honesty.

So my new year resolution is :

"Let me survive until the next year, next year, next year, next year, next one hundred years and forever."

 :))))

I Miss You

When someone walk past me by,

Leaves hanging desperately onto a branch,

Sunlight feels so warm in morning winter, 

I think about who? It's you.

Those memories scaterred everywhere

Every corner in this town

Every time Im seeing it, Our laugh and tears becomes real

Your broad shoulder and your ticklish finger ressurected

There were times I hope those memories all gone

But when it's gone I simply called it back

Says who we can forget easily when we dont talk or think about the person?

We couldn't forget easily when we still feel love this strong

When we do, Theres nothing we can do but reminiscing about past

Even then,

The smells of air around this place bring you back by my side

I remember how cool and calm your touch is

I remember how cute and kind you are

I remember how you used to kiss my lips with overloaded shyness

I remember how hard it is for us just to be together as a lovers

I remember how that night I feel like God never abandon me when you come

And I remember how that morning feels like God always playing with me when you turn your head, Never coming back again

Those bitter and sweet memories hurts me more,

When I realized that maybe Im the only one remember that

Maybe out there you've already forgot my name, Who am I, What kind of jokes I've always spill out, What color I used to hate, What coffee I've always drink in the morning

You'd come like wind

And gone like it too.

This morning in the winter feels warm

Blinding sunlight above me

Under my boots yellow leaves scattered around

My head and heart longing for you

Those basic questions haunts me 

The truth is I miss you.

Dont love me back like we used to, Just say that you miss me too, Then that will be enough. Just your voice will be enough. Just your smile will brightens me.

I miss you like crazy .. 

I crazily missing you ..

Miss you so . . .

  

Nothing right or wrong if you talking about love

I dont want to judge when you say that your world died without me

I dont want to judge even when at last you're gone, leave me behind

I dont want to.

I dont want to smile when you say Im the only one in your heart

I dont want to cry even when you say you finally found someone better than me

I just dont want to.

I simply dont wanna feel anything.

Thats to hard for me to endure

Those feelings only makes me become a person you dont like

I'll become a monster who only knew how it feels like to be betrayed by love

I'll become a demon who only knew your mistakes

I dont want to stain our memories like that.

I dont want to live with hatred like that.

I dont want to ended up hating you, the one I treasure the most.

I just dont.

I just dont.

Really. 

A Pray

God, Please forgive me ..

If you heard me, Please forgive me ..

Bless me, Bless my family ..

FRIENDS

I dont think I need friends to live. God only says that it’s impossible for us to live alone, but He ain’t say that we should be friends with other people. Why is it so hard to understand? Won’t it be easy if we live our life alone? We don’t get hurt because other people lies, We don’t tears because of disappointment, We don’t tell bullshit to each other. We just don’t.

Im a grown up. Yes, of course, Im a grown up. And I fall into a slump. It’s hard for me to live my life and I already think to end it as fast as possible. I dont say I can leave you, But I say that we should separate at that time. I dont remember how those accidents triggered such an ugly events in my life. Did I’d make a wrong decision? We hurt too much until we couldn’t say sorry anymore. We tried to reached the end of this peak, But it’s just too far. So I let it down and falls. Way into the slump.

We have our happy day. We have everything we thought we have. Nowadays I still smell those happiness float in the air, memories comes and goes, but nothing like us back into it anymore. I lost you and I think it’s a right decision I lost you.

Yes, I thought we’ll last forever, You and I together.

But I just realize that it’s the devil’s game. All tough and deceiving, All that happiness that we build over other people pains. With a cherry on top, We thought it’s a right decision to lost God and faith. Only us in this world, Fighting over our enemy with only bullet and guns called ‘trust’. The truth that we didn’t know is the enemy lies within ourselves. How can we say about ‘trust’ when we ‘lie’ over anything? We aren’t fine at that time. We just laugh to cover our real feelings. We just thought we need each other because of that special feeling we had.

When I say I’ve been poisoned by Devil’s whisper, Will you trust me, too?

I hate you. I love you too much until I can feel every inch of my vessel didn’t like you anymore. My soul becomes jealous of your existence. You’ve changed too much and Im not ready. I like the humble and warm you. Not the perfect and cold you.

I hate you. I have to say I hate you.

I hate you because you’re being too perfect and I want it too. You’ve become so much great and I want it too. You’ve become so much cocky and yet I want it too.

You have all the things I want.

But you lack one things so important until I can’t help myself but hate you more.

It’s sincerity.

It’s loyality.

It’s solidarity.

I have it all when I dont have yours.

I dont think I need to be friends with anyone. Since friends is someone who can betray you so much when you dont expect it at all.