Goodbye XXX

This essay is inspired by the writer’s true feelings

For him who shaken my heart, once.

If you need me, Im just one call away.

I woke up this morning,

Only to realize that not even a trace of your scent left in my bed

Not even our photograph inside my phone

Not even our laugh

Not even our idea and dream

How cruel time is

Robbed away my precious feelings

And how cruel you are

Left me behind like a broken china vase

You did nothing to fixed anything that fell apart between us

I was mad at first

We shared every hope, dream, every stories that happened in our life

I knew never in my life I’ll met someone like you again

You owned my respect, my attention and my feelings

Until this day, I couldn’t grab any reasonable reason

of why we grew apart

You just dont seem like you used to be

Maybe you grew tired of me

Or maybe your fear of lovin’ someone like me has took you away at last

Im just a friend, a very good one

An idealist, a smarties, a red flower grown in a desert

But never a type of girl you want to be loved

You see?

I know you just like the back of my hand perfectly

Why?

Because maybe I was hoping that we could end all of these perfectly

Hey, you

Should I pick what’s left between us?

Although you dont seem to care

Although you will runaway again

But this hands trembling hard

Tryin’ to do the impossible is not possible

The many years apart has healed the torn heart

I am ready to fly in a new world of challenge

Im sorry I leavin’ you behind

Maybe I am the one who left first, after all

And all I felt was a slice of regret

Of not havin’ you beside me

Of lettin’ you down the slope

All the way around the hill

Into your own complicated life

Im sorry I couldn’t saved you at the time

One of us has to say sorry

In honour of what once happened between us

Just so all that won’t ended up in vain

Vanish into thin smoke like other meaningless things

You know?

 I still treasure you

Although it’s all in the past

And we both have to move on as far as we can
To fulfilling the goal of our DNA as you said

To reach our purposes of living

To really understand why we both met and then separated

I woke up this morning,

Only to realize that you came in my dream again

I dream of your scent, your laugh

I dream of what now really remains between us

Memories

of once happy and innocent times.

Welcome to Adulthood

At some point, I really hate myself

I despise my own way of writing and drawing

I found my own dreams a hassle

And I get really tired chasing a fallen stars just to make wishes of something that looks oddly impossible

People claimed they knew me best, that Im capable of everything

They jealous of me

They wants to be me

What would they know, when what they really know about me is just a side I chose to shown?

I am no other than a clown

Pretending to be some sort of a happy person

A smart, skillful and sociable one

When actually Im not even an inch of that description people thought about me

Who am I deep down inside

Which song is played over and over in my mind

What kind of loneliness trapped me in

Where will I go next in the future

Nothing goes well, nothing goes as I want it to be

At some point,

I really do hate my own words, my own advice, my own idea

They are so plain, so empty, so fake

Im so disgust by my own existence

I lost hope

I lost will to dream

I lost my wits, passion and obsession

I lost it all and become hollow

A hollow clown

And thats how we all matured

Thats how we all become adult

Welcome to the reality.

Modern Family

No need to argue

In this Modern family, ego is the parents, ignorance is the child and money is the bliss

Living in harsh reality, the parents diggin’ gold everytime, without rest, without smiling, without knowing how much their child grown

Living between suspicious neighbor, the child develop a crippled personality, lacking social ability, indifferent towards the world and all that comes in it

They listed as a one blissful family in the certificate,

Bound by luxurious 4-room-condominium in a famous metro city

-although there’s no one on the dinner table

And an enormous 4-wheel-jeep that exists only for public display

-although they never sit together in it

These Modern family living among us all

Mr. Modern Ego and Mrs.Modern Ego working beside you all

Modern Ignorance walk past your store when they go to their school

The Modern family keep gettin’ bigger

Their community spread far and wide despite the religion nor the nation

The Modern family will soon be your neighbor, too

The Modern family will soon be yours, too.

Ignorance

You never knew or neither you even care

I’ve never liked chocolate, jewel or even mainstream music

I’ve never into skirt like any other girl in love out there

I’ve never pushed you to bought me such an expensive gift or even dinner

You never knew the real reason of why I dye my hair blonde,

Is because of my never ending obsession with Axl Rose the legendary rockstar

And not because of some stupid korean fever

You never knew that black and everything tacky is my almighty color,

Whereas you often gave me a bright pastel color

And dressed me in frill and silk ribbon

You never knew that I always attracted to risk and challenge

That I really loves bad but not terribly wrong attitudes

And sometimes broke the rules just because I get bored

You never knew that what I longing the most from life

Is the freedom in every corner I go

And the bits by bits problem that shaped me to what I am today

You never tried to saw behind the outer layer of my skin

You never tried to really understand me

-          You never really love me

Do you?

Hortensia

Hortensia, O’ Hortensia

Now you’re old and full of mold

Begone all the rage and mirage from the past

Shall we dance while the song lasts?

O’Hortensia

I ain’t young, neither do you

What happened between us, O’Hortensia?

Those beautiful days with no name

Just reminded us of the one to blame

Is it you? Is it me?

Hortensia, why do you cried?

Is it me? Or is it him?

Hortensia, dont you know I’ve tried?

O’Hortensia,

Im tired

Lonely

And hurt badly

-          Hortensia,

Did you ever felt happy?

Beside me?