Cheating

The only words that we all can say when it comes to "cheating someone" is "sorry", but it didn't heal anything much, their heart still break apart. It's just running through their vein into something unreal. Just a surrealism in the middle of chaos night.

Well, one tears that spill down in his/her cheek when we did cheat him/her is a million guilty feeling and a one thousand nights prayer to fix it up.

Me? Of course I did it. We all did it, at least once. Or maybe it's just my cynical thoughts.

My story is not fancy at all, it's just a dumb and foolish story.
I was so young at that moment, many guy come and goes, many love pass me by, many stories happened in between and much more tears in addition of it.
He is a couple years older than me, a charismatic and open-hearted guy, who live his lives as a guy who believe that love only comes when we forget what it feels like to be lonely.

 I am, in love, madly in love with him.
And I dont feel any loneliness at all, at that time.

And yes, I have to say that he's a good actor, and good actor should be awarded with good trophy, right?
That trophy I threw at him when all his act found out by me is a trophy that I wish never exist in my heart. It's hatred. A big hatred.
Man that I love so much for some time, is a liar. That reality ripped my heart and it feels so lonely, suddenly. I left with insanity in chaos and my life in danger of turning into something very bad and black, like a dirty mud.

My way of healing is to do the same thing as him. Cheating around with somebody else's guys.
Sounds funny?
I'll tell you whats the real funny thing is, when you cheat with somebody's boyfriend and it turned out that their girlfriend is cheating with your college friends who always trying to seduce you. Thats funny. For me.
But I didn't laugh at all. I just felt like a douche-bag. A trash thats waiting to ended up in a garbage world.

That period of healing took me a year and a half, a very long time to wake up and push myself to move forward and left it all behind. Those days are gone. It'll never be back, I said to myself.

So I chose my freedom. Free of busy thinking about someone else's lovers and free from the wicked thoughts about my former boyfriend who lives his life well like he never did any bad things.
Maybe I'm just jealous. Maybe I just love him too much.
Maybe I just young and innocent.

But those days are gone, once again.
And it will never be back.